If you’re feeling bad about a break up, perhaps some music from India Arie, Usher, or The Beatles will help you know that you’re not alone.

© Cherie Burbach

When your partnership is over and you’re dealing with the aftermath, you need some music to fit your mood. After all, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad over a relationship that didn’t work out. Time spent wallowing can actually help you get on with your life and date again that much quicker.

Good Morning by India Arie

India Arie is known for her soulful, spiritual songs. The longer she lives, the more she experiences and turns those times into beautiful melodies every woman can relate to. On the album Testimony: Vol. 1, Life & Relationship there are several songs perfect for the woman moving on in her life from bad times or broken relationships. One of those is “Good Morning.”

“Good Morning” starts out with the realization that a partnership has ended.

“Good morning independence or is it loneliness?
I know I said I wanted this but I have regrets”

This is not a song about self-pity, however. As the tune continues, Arie sings of accepting that fact that her relationship is over and that she has to now move on.

“Good morning optimism
Good morning to my faith
Good morning to the beginning of a brand new day”

“Good Morning” is a song that will inspire anyone going through heartbreak. It allows for the sadness of a lost love without dwelling on it. The end offers strength to go on to what life may bring.

Ticket to Ride by The Beatles

John Lennon sings with faultless melancholy on “Ticket to Ride.” The song reflects a man’s perspective as his lover leaves not only their relationship, but the city in which they live as well. If your partner has recently left and you are wondering what will happen next, this is the song for you.

Confessions by Usher

It was rumored that Usher Raymond IV wrote the song “Confessions” after his relationship with longtime love, Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas ended. The song has an edgy, fast-paced feel, and tells the story of a man tormented by having to tell his girlfriend that not only has he cheated on her, but the “other” woman is going to have a child as well. If infidelity is the reason for your breakup, give this song a listen.

Always the Last to Know by Del Amitri

The lyrics of this song talk about the hurt in realizing you’ve been lied to from your partner. The love of your life has cheated on you and everyone seemed to know it but you. The tone allows for sadness and a “why me?” type of vibe:

“So you’re in love with someone else
Someone who burns within your soul
And it looks like I’m the last to know”

However, just before “Always the Last to Know” ends the song takes on a completely different turn. The surprise of this lyric is short and takes the listener by surprise:

“Or if he’s cheating on you like I cheated on you
And you were the last to know”

It reminds us that relationships are always a two-way street, the mistakes one partner makes might come back to him or her if the situation is not resolved.

You’ll Think of Me by Keith Urban

“You’ll Think of Me” starts off in the midst of a relationship-ending argument. Keith Urban sings:

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don’t need’em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you’ll think of me

As one partner is asking for time away from the relationship, the other partner is saying he is finished with the back and forth nature of the partnership. He’s saying, “Go on. Do what you have to do, but you’ll want me back.” It doesn’t however, however allow for reconciliation. After years of being on again and off again, this is finally the end.

Ending a relationship is never easy. But these songs allow you to let the bad feelings in so you can come to terms with the fact that your partner wasn’t the right guy or girl for you. After listening to these sad melodies, you’ll realize there is a new relationship out there just waiting for you.

One thing I’ve liked about Nicole Richie and Joel Madden is that they are doing things in their own time. They had two kids before deciding to get married. While that not might not be the path for everyone, it seems to have worked for them. They have a happy union and seem to be in a good place.

Nicole was on Ellen yesterday and said, “I’ve been on the road. I just got home, and so it’s really going to be now that’s the time for me to sit down and think about what I want.”

Think you’re immune to emotional infidelity?

© Cherie Burbach

Even the strongest of relationships have ups and downs. Friends are invaluable during these times and can help get your ideas and attitude back where they need to be. But what if you begin to have feelings for your friend? Do you know how to stop yourself from having an emotional affair? Here are some tips to help you out.

Know the Signs of an Emotional Affair

The best way to prevent an emotional affair is to stop any inappropriate friendships before they start. Understand the boundaries between what’s okay and what’s not. Do you email or call your friend and then keep it from your partner? Do you have romantic feelings for your friend? Are you closer with your friend than you are with your partner?

Rather than constantly walking the edge when it comes to your relationship, keep your behavior in the safety of the middle ground.

Grow Your Pool of Same-Sex Friendships

Sure, men and women can be friends. But there are many times when other things like sexual tension and relationship stress manage to complicate friendships.

For example, a platonic friendship can change if you have an argument with your partner and suddenly believe your friend understands you better than your partner does. Or perhaps you haven’t had time to connect with your partner as you normally would and suddenly feel attracted to your friend. These types of scenarios aren’t going to happen with a same-sex friendship, but they might between pals of the opposite sex.

Strengthen the Friendship You Have With Your Partner

Unlike physical infidelity, emotional affairs can start under the most innocent of circumstances. Many times one partner simply wants someone to listen to them, so when a friend lends a sympathetic ear, additional feelings can occur.

If you feel disconnected from your partner, communicate your needs to him or her rather than a friend. Don’t settle for having one part of your emotional needs fulfilled by your friend and the rest filled up by your partner. Start with your partner first, and know that in the end he or she should be your best friend.

Be Cautious of Attention Seeking Coworkers

Emotional affairs often start at work, and it’s easy to see why. When people work in close proximity for many hours together, the passion they feel for their work can be transferred to their friend. Suddenly their work life can seem more exciting and complete than their personal life.

Not only that, but some people simply don’t respect the relationships of others. What may start as a need for attention from one individual in the office may easily turn into problems for someone else in a committed relationship. If you see someone trying to get attention where they shouldn’t, be extra careful to keep your professionalism in check.

Trust Your Gut

If you have an urge to start hiding the details of your friendship from your partner, take note. Emotional affairs often start because their boundaries seem hard to analyze on the surface. Your head and heart may be conflicted. It’s these instances where you need to trust your instincts. If it feels wrong, it probably is.

Image: sxc.hu.

Even with all the great methods in which to meet new singles, there are still times when approaching someone you’ve only just met is best way to get a date.

© Cherie Burbach

Talking to a person you don’t yet know can be an intimidating prospect. Here are some tips to help you spark a new conversation with a stranger.

Smile

While you may be nervous about walking up to a stranger, be sure to smile and offer a friendly face. Look at the situation from the other person’s perspective. If someone were to approach you with a frown or even neutral expression, you would probably brace yourself for what they had to say, rather than listen with interest. Show the person you mean to make light and friendly conversation.

Comment on Something Going On Around You

If you’re stumped for what to say at first, offer a remark about the atmosphere around you. The long line you’re both in, the cold weather outside, the couple arguing in the corner, or the loud music in the background are among many things you could mention to start off your conversation. Starting this way will ease the pressure of an attempt to be clever or even asking the person out.

Compliment Him or Her

You must have noticed something about the person to get you interested, so use that as an opener. Did they just say something humorous? Do they have a nice smile? Are they wearing a great-smelling perfume or cologne?

Be Sincere

Don’t seek to flatter the person so much that you go overboard. Also, unless you’re naturally funny, don’t worry about cracking a joke. As difficult as it can be, remain true to yourself. If you’re a little nervous, don’t give it a second thought.

Be Specific When Making a Suggestion to Meet

Ideally the reason you talk to a stranger to begin with is because you want to connect with him or her later on date. But instead of saying “Would you go out with me” ask them instead to do something specific. If you’ve only just met, you can’t speak in generalities, such as “We should hang out sometime.”
Have something specific in mind even if it’s just grabbing a cup of coffee in half an hour at the restaurant around the corner or going with you to the latest theater opening on Friday at 7:00. By mentioning a precise plan you will have greater success of following through with your date.

Get the Right Mindset

The biggest obstacle in talking to someone new is the fear that he or she will reject you. While this is certainly a possibility, it doesn’t have to paralyze you from making an approach. Instead of thinking of what could go wrong, envision yourself chatting up the object of your interest and having them receive you with enthusiasm. Move forward with a confident air, and put any thoughts of rejection out of our mind.

You’ll only feel bad for a few moments if you get rejected, but if you fail to act you’ll regret it for a long time. The only way to change your situation is by taking action. So say hello to that stranger that’s just caught your eye! You’ll never know where it might lead.

Normally I write about the ups and downs of celebrity romance, but it was good to see the happily married couples at the Oscars last night, and here is one of my favorites of all time, Helen Mirren and Taylor Hackford. She’s a fabulous actress, he’s a fabulous director, and look how gorgeous they both looked last night:

They are living proof that love can be even more wonderful in your 60s. They look amazing and what a talented pair.

Did you enter to win the Chicken Soup for the Soul True Love book? We’ve got our winner! It’s the 25th commenter, Wendy. She was chosen using random.org. Wendy mentioned in her comment that she loved the Chicken Soup for the Soul books and I know she’s not alone.

For those of you who didn’t win but would still like the book, it’s available on Amazon..

When you’re hung up on a previous relationship, you automatically sabotage any chance for new love. Here are some signs you might be holding on to feelings for a past flame, and how to move on from them.

© Cherie Burbach

You Regret Breaking Up
If you were the one that ended your relationship, you might be looking back with fonder memories than you did before the breakup. However, this doesn’t mean you and your ex are meant to be together, nor does it mean you made a mistake in calling in quits.

Part of the acceptance process is realizing your relationship had good times as well as bad. The important thing is keep it in perspective. Don’t block out all the bad times in favor of the good ones. Aim for a balanced view of your previous relationship.

You Stayed Friends and It’s Harder Than Ever
Here’s a secret: You can’t force a new friendship. Not with someone you just met on the street and certainly not with your ex. While it might seem like a great idea to remain friends after a break up, in reality it will prevent you from moving forward. There’s nothing wrong with simply wishing the person the best and choosing not to see him or her until you’re certain you are over your relationship.

You Compare New People to Your Ex
If you really want to move forward with your life you have to use a fresh outlook on the people you meet. When we first meet people, everything they do can seem strange and odd. Once we get to know them, however, all those tiny things can seem rather sweet.

So instead of looking for similarities between that new person and your ex, make a promise that you’ll get to know him or her. That way, even if they aren’t the right one, you will at least be evaluating him or her on their own qualities and not those of your ex.

Your Ex Found Someone Before You Did
If the last time you saw your ex he or she was begging you not to end your relationship, it can seem a shocking thing to see them with someone new. More than that, it’s human nature to want something you suddenly realize you can no longer have. But as hard as it may seem, be happy for your ex.

Then, get out and date! Start out casually and build your self-esteem again slowly. Think of your ex-relationship as one more lesson that will lead you to the right situation for you.

You Hate Dating
When you begin to date again, it can be a long time before you find that feeling of comfort you once felt with your ex. But don’t be fooled into thinking this means your ex was the one for you. Change means something new and different so naturally you are going to feel a bit apprehensive. But like anything worthwhile, getting back out in the dating world again will bring you that much closer to the right one for you.

The ins and outs of the coffee date. Learning all about them will help you master your dating life.

With the advent of online dating, the term “coffee date” has exploded into the dating lexicon. If you’ve ever wondered a thing or two about what constitutes a coffee date, how to plan one, or even… what my best “horror stories” are about them… read on.

What exactly is a coffee date?

It’s generally a first meeting between two Internet daters who have exchanged emails.

Does the coffee date have to involve coffee?

Absolutely not! Since I’m not a coffee drinker myself, in fact, mine almost always included tea. And maybe beer. Depending….

Where is the best place to meet for a coffee date?

It’s my opinion that coffee places (Starbucks, etc.) are the best place to initially meet someone. They’re all over town and people are constantly coming and going. You grab a cup of joe and relax while you wait for your date. However, any public place that is easily accessible can work for a coffee date. An after work drink at a bar is an acceptable alternative, although you might not be able to talk if there is loud music (or drunk people shouting around you).

Isn’t it easier just to have him pick me up?

No! Never! Not! Not for an initial meeting! Arrive separately. Don’t even tell someone where you live or what your phone number is until you get to know them.

If it’s a date, shouldn’t I at least buy her dinner?

No! Never! Not! The beauty of the coffee date is that it’s inexpensive. Buy yourself a cup of coffee. If you want to buy your date one, too, you can – but you’re not obligated. Remember that the coffee date is just a meeting and not an actual date.

Where should we go after the coffee date?

Home. Alone. Even if your coffee date was grand, go home after one hour and reflect on it. Allow yourself this time to decide if you want to meet this person again.

An hour? Shouldn’t a coffee date be longer than that?

No. In an hour you’ve given it your best to make conversation and see if you want a real date with this person. And that’s the whole purpose behind coffee dates! It isn’t to see if your date is “the one” or if you even want to get involved for the long term. You just want to get a vibe and see if you two could hang out together on a real date. That’s it.

What happens after an hour?

You leave. You put your hand out, tell them how nice it was to meet them, say you enjoyed the time (if you did), say you’ll contact them to set up a real date (if you really intend to do so) and be on your way.

Isn’t it rude to leave after only an hour?

No. After all, you’ve both stated that you’re meeting for coffee. Just. The expectation has been set that you’ll be on your way after sixty minutes.

What if I want to stay longer? What if I want to follow my date home?

Then you’re a stalker. True love can wait for a real date.

Won’t my date think I’m blowing them off if I leave after an hour?

Not if you follow through and contact them for a real date.

What if we just didn’t click initially? Shouldn’t I give it another shot?

When two people hit it off, it’s usually very obvious after an hour. If not, then spending more time together won’t force them to click. I mean, really… do you want to spend your time with people you don’t click with?

I suggested a coffee place to meet, but my date insists on me meeting them at a bar by their house.

Don’t ever let someone you haven’t even met yet insist you do anything. This is a sure sign of someone who is controlling, or out after only one thing.

Generally, it’s the females that choose the place, because we gals seem to have more to worry about when meeting a stranger. So if a guy insists on your meeting him somewhere you don’t feel good about – don’t. Don’t meet him, don’t correspond with him any longer, and don’t feel bad about doing so. The great guys out there want to meet great girls, and they aren’t going to split hairs if a girl chooses the coffee shop to meet. Most guys will prefer it and respect the girl’s wishes.

Why should I listen to you?

Well, hey, I did the whole coffee date thing. Lots of them in fact. I met over 60 guys for coffee and conversation, and I have to say it was a heck of a lot of fun. And I ended up meeting my husband. Bonus! It worked for me, and it will for you, too.

Celebrate St. Patty’s Day with these date ideas.

© Cherie Burbach

Who says Valentine’s Day is the most romantic of the year? St. Patrick’s Day is rich with tradition and a sense of lighthearted fun. It’s the perfect day to get to know someone new or just enjoy a cheerful night out with your partner. And don’t worry if you’re not Irish! Everyone can claim a little Irish heritage on March 17th.

If you need some ideas on how to make your celebration a special one, read on.

Pub Crawl

Many cities offer a “bar tour” of sorts, which extends from one end of town to the other. Pub crawls are designed to get you into a number of different bars so you’ll never be bored standing around in one place for very long. Check out the various St. Patty’s Day celebrations at each establishment, and make an effort to strike up a conversation with as many people as you can.

This type of activity usually involves built-in transportation in the form of a bus or limo, so take advantage of it. Arrange for a designated driver or someone who hasn’t imbibed to come pick you and your date up at the end the night.

Traditional Irish Dinner

Not one for the bars? You can enjoy the Irish spirit just as much at home with a traditional Irish meal. Nothing suits St. Patrick’s Day like homemade corned beef and cabbage. It’s tasty and easy to make. If you’re really daring, make a loaf of Irish soda bread to accompany the carrots, celery and potatoes.

Dinner Out at an Irish Pub

Nothing beats a night out with a pint and a great meal, and the best part is, a traditional Irish pub is no longer hard to find. Every major metropolitan area throughout the country now has at least one. Do a quick Internet search to find the restaurant closest to you. A pub is a great way to experience the St. Patrick’s Day vibe without getting caught up in the crowds. Just make sure to go early to avoid the peak celebratory time.

Irish Breakfast

If you’d like to make your date a homemade meal but you aren’t exactly a whiz in the kitchen, try an easy Irish breakfast. Simply fry up some eggs and open a can of corned beef hash. Cook on medium high and add salt and pepper. Serve with toast. For an added touch, get a shamrock cookie cutter to punch out the bread centers.

St. Patrick’s Day Gifts

Give your date a token to remember your St. Patrick’s Day date with a thoughtful Irish-inspired gift. Jewelry items, such as cufflinks or a necklace, are always appreciated. Remember to find something with Celtic knotting for a special Irish flare.

If you’re really stumped, just make sure your gift is a bright shade of green and it will still fit in well with the rest of your theme date. Items like horseshoes or bamboo also represent the luck of the Irish, and work well for use as a St. Patrick’s Day present. After all, they help remind your date how lucky he or she is to have you!

I’ve heard this before with pregnant vegetarians, and Tiffani Thiessen is proving once again that sometimes your body needs meat. She’s been craving red meat lately. She says she’s been a vegetarian for a long time but since the pregnancy she’s been wanting meat.

Thiessen also says her hubby, Brady Smith, is completely attentive to her. “He rubs my feet, my shoulders and he always gets anything for me even if I’m all hormonal.” Lucky gal! Look how cute they are together: