We’ve all been there and if we hadn’t then we all should at one stage of our meager lives. She’s moved on, it’s not your fault it’s hers (so she says) and now we’re left to lie in our own filth and think about what might have been.
Every song on the radio means something and don’t even contemplate watching a wildlife documentary without blubbering.
But she’s gone and so let’s move on!
Below are ten positive reasons that your wife, girlfriend or significant other leaving you is something to be celebrated rather than commiserated. From TVs and Tupperware to single holidays and pants where you left them – if you’re just coming out of a relationship, these ten little rays of light are for you.
The TV belongs to you now
No more Eastenders, cooking shows or Coach Trips! No more asking whether you can turn over for the football or having a debate about why the news is not boring. Get to know that old lovable cube in the corner as over the next few days it’s going to give you the type of companionship that only she *gulp* could give.
|More Relationship Help (external links)
Can You Get Your Ex Back?
Why Men Pull Away
Text the Romance Back Into Your Relationship
Bless this mess
Men work on a different cleanliness threshold to women and also value the importance of allowing things to have a ‘good soak’. Clothes on the floor, even in the bedroom, used to be an issue but not any more! The lounge, bathroom, kitchen and even the hall is your dressing room and if you see fit to leave your underwear hanging on the front door handle, then so be it.
Sometimes it’s nice to finish work, pop to the shops and just buy a lump of meat. Now, I’m not saying that we didn’t appreciate her ‘who must not be mentioned’ cooking however, let’s get back to basics here. We’re animals and as such we need to make decisions based on a process of how we feel at that particular moment. Yes, it’s lovely to be cooked for but as hunter gatherers we need to be given the chance to do just that – hunt, gather and eat.
Going to the pub needn’t require a consultation process
It’s 5 o’ clock on a Tuesday, you’re just finishing work and a colleague asks you for a quick pint. Now, this situation in the past used to involve a whole series of moves and counter moves in order to accommodate such an irregular occurrence. ‘But dinner’s ready’ or ‘what time will you be home’ or ‘I said we were going to Zumba class tonight’ are all statements that, let’s be frank, we could do without. You’re a single man now so go on, have that drink with Bob, you deserve it.
Yes, you’re single. The first time you say this out loud will be a step towards your recovery. One of the absolute
best things about being single is…going on singles holidays! It’s obvious isn’t it! From America to India, Australia to Russia, beaches, clubs, culture and adventure await. This doesn’t have to be one hedonistic experience after the next (but it could be) whatever your pace, whatever you want to do – now’s the time to do it with a bunch of strangers who are more than eager to make your acquaintance.
Weekends = sport not shopping
No more standing outside those high street shops or being called to look at something that you’ll be chastised for – even if you say it looks great! Get yourself down to the local sports ground or even better, a sport-showing pub because this weekend you’re going to be watching some serious competitive man action!
Since when did anyone have a need for so many little plastic boxes? The answer my friend is – NEVER! So get rid of them. Tupperware is the devil’s work and if you want to open a tin of baked beans and leave them half full in the fridge in the same tin that they were born in then good for you.
If it’s not Tupperware, it’s linen! From the moment you moved out of your parent’s home you had the same sheet, duvet and towel set. Then suddenly you’re in a relationship. She moves in and – bang – cupboard space shrinks to a square inch. From boxes of seasonal clothing to masses of needless pillows and cushions – what is the point!? Let’s minimalize shall we? Discard the unwanted linen in your life and get back to one of everything with perhaps a spare towel for sports.
Are females really that cold blooded that they need to put the central heating on in September? Can they really get by without oxygen? As it appears that opening a window is tantamount to animal cruelty! This is your time to take back the outdoor life and let your body work as nature intended. Throw the windows open and don’t turn the heating on until your lips turn blue. Seriously, why don’t they make use of those extra clothes that are hogging all the cupboard space and stop moaning about how cold it is!
Chris is slowly following a ten step plan to happiness, please bear with him.